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TED经典演讲:如何爱与被爱

2020-03-25 16:44

来源:新东方英语

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Billy Ward是美国新泽西一位有着13年实践经验的执业心理咨询师,毕业于乔治敦大学的心理学专业。他曾经在橄榄球队打了四年的四分卫,毕业后在一所男子预科学校当神学老师。他的个人哲学就是爱与被爱。在下面这篇题为“To Love and Be Loved”的演讲中,他分享了自己和挚友Daniel之间的故事,并告诉我们,每一个人都值得爱和被爱,都应该努力去不加任何条件地寻找爱和光芒,一旦我们开始这样做了,我们将为自己的生活带来全新的意义。

Here is the deal: Life is really all about love. I'm not just saying that because I'm a father of a newborn baby; I'm saying that because as a teacher and as a therapist I've seen people basically choose between two things: love or something else. And what I've witnessed and experienced is this: When people choose love, they always choose right.


事情是这样的:生活真的全都是关乎爱的。我这么说并不仅仅因为我是一个新生儿的父亲,我这么说是因为作为一名教师和一位治疗师,我看到人们基本上就是在两件事中做选择:爱,或者其他的东西。并且我所目睹和经历的是:当人们选择爱时,他们的选择总是正确的。


I was asked to speak today on the topic of illumination, and it made me think about the way the light inside us all can shine. And my favorite way is through our love which can illuminate in our relationships.


今天我应邀就“点亮光芒”这个话题演讲,这让我思考我们内心的光芒是如何都能闪耀的。而我最喜欢的方式是通过我们的爱,它可以照亮我们的关系。


The most important relationship that we'll ever have, is the relationship that we have with ourselves. And next comes the relationships that we share with one another.


我们拥有的最重要的关系就是我们同自己的关系。然后才是我们与其他人之间的关系。


As simply as I can put it, we are here on this very Earth, to love and to be loved—and love is light. In a second, what I'd like to do with you today, is a brief, relaxing, guided-imagery exercise, where I'm going to have you close your eyes and consider three expressions of light that can return us to love. I'm going to have you close your eyes and consider three items, and then associate each item with a person in your life.


简单地说,我们在这个地球上,去爱和被爱——而爱就是光。接下来,今天我想跟大家做的是一个简短的,放松的,引导想象的练习。我需要大家闭上眼睛,思考三种能带给我们爱的光的表现方式。我将让你们闭上眼睛,思考三种东西,然后把每件东西和你生命中的一个人额联系起来。


So, let's get ready. Can I ask you to put your feet flat on the floor, palms facing up in your lap, and when you're ready, gently allow your upper eyelids to meet your lower eyelashes. Close your eyes and let's everyone take a deep breath. Relax your shoulders.


那么,让我们准备开始吧。可以请你们把脚都平放在地上,掌心朝上放在膝盖上吗?当你准备好,轻轻地让你的上下眼睑相碰,闭上你的眼睛,然后每个人都做个深呼吸,放松你的肩膀。


The first item I'd like you to picture is the sun. Picture the sun in the big, blue sky, feel the warmth of her rays, and consider how the sun continues to show up every day, sharing its light and energy unconditionally, even on a cold February morning. Is there somebody in your life that reminds you of the sun? Somebody that loves you unconditionally? Picture that person now and feel their love.


我想让你们想象的第一个东西是太阳。想象太阳在广阔的、蓝色的天空中,感受阳光的温暖,想想太阳每天是如何持续出现,无条件地分享它的光芒和能量,即使是在寒冷二月的清晨。在你的生命中,有没有人能让你想到太阳?有人无条件地爱你吗?现在想象那个人,感受他们的爱。


The next item I'd like you to picture is a lighthouse. See the light emanating from the top of the structure at the ocean's edge where the sea meets the land, and remember its primary purpose: To help guide sailors and boaters home. Is there somebody in your life that helps guide you home? To your authentic self? To the truth of who you are? To the person that you're meant to be? To the path that you're meant to be on? Picture that person now and consider the direction that they're encouraging you to head in.


下一件我想让你们想象的事物是一座灯塔。想象光从这个建筑物的顶部放射出来,在大海的边缘,在海与陆地交界的地方,记住它的主要目的:帮助引导水手和船夫回家。在你的生命中,有没有人能帮忙指引你回家的路?回到你真实的自我?回到真正的你?回到你应该成为的那个人?回到你本该走的路?现在想象那个人,想想他们鼓励你朝哪个方向前行。


The last item I'd like you to picture is a disco ball. See the light bouncing off of it, think of the energy in the room where you might find this unique object, maybe you hear your favorite song playing. Is there somebody in your life that reminds you of a disco ball? Somebody that shows up with the fun, loving energy wherever they are, wherever they go? Picture that person now and consider how they are encouraging you to live and love.


我想让你们想象的最后一件东西是一颗迪斯科灯球。看到它反射出的光芒了吧,想象一个充满活力的房间,在那里你可能会发现这个独特的物体,也许你听到了你最喜欢的歌曲在播放。在你的生命中,有没有人能让你想起一颗迪斯科灯球?一个无论身处何地、去向何处,都能带来欢乐和爱的能量的人?现在想象那个人,想想他们是如何鼓励你去生活和爱的。


Gently float open your eyes.


慢慢睁开你们的眼睛。


Today I'd like to share a story with you about a student of mine. His name was Daniel. I met Daniel the very first year I was a classroom teacher. I had no experience as a theology teacher in an all-boys prep school, and somehow this little guy, this 103-pound wrestler, he became more of a teacher to me than a student, because he showed me and everybody in the school building how to shine their love and their light by being an example of how it's done.


今天我想和大家分享一个故事,关于我的一个学生。他叫Daniel。我是在我当老师的第一年认识Daniel的。在那之前我没有在男子预科学校做神学老师的经验,然而这个家伙,这个103磅的摔跤手,对我来说更像是一位老师,而非学生,因为他向我和学校里的每一个人展示了如何释放爱和光芒,他就是那样示范的。


You see, the same year that I met this little guy was the same year that I was cut from the NFL. Felt like a little bit of my light had been taken from me when the Baltimore Ravens told me I can no longer be their quarterback. I had trained with them all summer, I felt like a kid in Disney, I was playing and competing with some of my childhood heroes in stadiums that I had only visited as a fan.


你知道吗,我遇见这个小家伙的那一年,正是我离开全国橄榄球联盟(简称“NFL”的那一年。)当巴尔的摩乌鸦队告诉我我不能再做他们的四分卫时,我感觉就像是自己的光芒被夺走了一点点。整个夏天我都和他们一起训练,我觉得自己就像是进了迪士尼的孩子,我和一些儿时的偶像一起打球、比赛,在那些我只有作为球迷才去过的体育馆里。


Playing in the NFL was an incredible experience, but at the end of the summer, a week before our first game, on the last day of cuts, I was released. And I had to return home to New Jersey to figure out a new career. I had graduated from Georgetown University with the degree in psychology, so I guessed I could teach that, but I was hired at an all-boys prep school to coach football and teach theology. It was kind of like a life course for the incoming freshmen. Gave me the opportunity to teach the guys the importance of being kind, caring and thoughtful. It really healed my broken heart.


在NFL打球是一段不可思议的经历,但在那个夏天结束的时候,在我们首场比赛的前一周,在减员的最后一天,我被放弃了。我不得不回到新泽西的家,开始新的职业生涯。我毕业于乔治敦大学,有一个心理学学位,所以我觉得我可以教这个,但我却被一所男子预科学校雇佣,教橄榄球和神学。这差不多就是给新生的一堂人生课程。让我有机会教导孩子们善良、关心和体贴的重要性。这真的治愈了我受伤的心灵。


I loved teaching as much as I loved playing football. And that's where I met Daniel. He came into my classroom like a little disco ball. He had an energy and a light about him that everybody wanted to be around. Daniel connected with everybody in the school. I used to love watching him walk the hallways. His smile was reflected back to him in every corner. Athletes, band guys, cool guys, smart guys, teachers and coaches, all felt the love of this pint-sized, 103-pound wrestler.


我喜欢教书,就像我喜欢橄榄球一样。就在那里我遇见了Daniel。他像一颗小迪斯科灯球一样走进了我的教室。他身上有一种能量和光芒,让每个人都想在他身边。Daniel和学校里的每个人关系都很好。我以前很喜欢看他在走廊里走过。他的微笑从每个角落反射回到他身上。运动员、乐队成员、酷酷的家伙、聪明的家伙、老师和教练,所有人都能感受到这个103磅的迷你摔跤手的爱。


People loved Daniel because he was free. He was free to be himself, and most of us know how difficult that can be. I remember when Daniel found out it was my birthday during his freshman year. He took it upon himself to create a homemade birthday card for me. He even taped a Starburst candy and a pack of Wrigley's gum to the inside. He presented it to me in front of the class. Daniel was redefining cool, and he made it cool to be thoughtful, caring and kind, and his classmates loved him for it.


人们喜欢Daniel是因为他很自由。他自由地做他自己。我们大多数人都知道这有多困难。我记得Daniel在他大一的时候有一天发现是我的生日。他自己动手为我做了一张生日卡片。他甚至在里面贴了一颗星爆糖和一包箭牌口香糖。他在全班同学面前把它送给了我。Daniel重新定义了酷,他让体贴、关心和善良变得很酷。他的同学们也因此而喜欢他。


It was in this way that our brotherly bond began. And it was during his sophomore year that Daniel started to campaign for me to date his older cousin Lia, so that we could officially be family. He even brought her to a wrestling match one weekend. I was only there with about one other person, and Daniel had about 15 relatives cheering him on that night. It was a beautiful night.


我们的兄弟情谊就是这样开始的。在Daniel大二那年,他开始争取让我和他的表姐Lia约会,这样我们就可以正式成为一家人了。有一个周末,他甚至带她去看了一场摔跤比赛。我和另外一个人在那儿。那天晚上Daniel大概有15位家属在为他欢呼。那是一个美好的夜晚。


And then Daniel came into school the following Monday, and he was mad. He said, "Mr. Ward, you brought your girlfriend to my wrestling match, when I brought my cousin to introduce you?" I said, "Wow, Daniel, hold on a second! That girl happens to be my younger sister, and second of all, I didn't know you were trying to play matchmaker that night."


接下来的星期一,Daniel来到学校,他很生气。他说:“Ward先生,我带我的表姐来介绍给你,你却带你的女朋友来看我的比赛?”我说:“噢,等一下,Daniel!那个女孩是我的妹妹。其次,我根本不知道你那天晚上是打算当媒人!”


It felt like a real compliment to my teachings. My message of love and be loved was really making an impact. For years, I've been practicing shouting commands for the NFL football field, but I had been practicing another message all along. I was never the type of football player that was overly aggressive or tough. I never yelled at my teammates, and I never yell at my students in the classroom.


这感觉就像是对我的教学的真正的称赞。我的爱和被爱的信息真的产生了影响。许多年来,我一直在练习在NFL球场上喊口令,但我也一直在练习另一种信息。我从来不是那种极具攻击性或者很强硬的球员。我从不对我的队友大喊大叫,我也从不在教室里对我的学生大喊大叫。


Some people say this may make people walk all over you, but I believe otherwise. An older teacher once told me, when I first began teaching, that I shouldn't smile in the classroom until after a few months have gone by. I guess the theory is that the students would think I was tough, but I love to smile, and I have a different theory.


有人说这会让别人欺负你的,但我不这么认为。我刚开始教书的时候,一位年长的教师曾经告诉过我,在过去的几个月里,我都不应该在教室里笑。我想这个理论是学生们会认为我很严厉。但我喜欢笑,我有一番不同的理论。


I believe that the toughest guy in the room is not the football guy; it's the loving guy. It's the most manly thing that can ever be accomplished. It's not that difficult to do, but it requires great thought and courage. I loved football because I thought it was one of the finest team sports. When we're on the field, playing together, relating as teammates, defending each other, protecting each other, doing a little dance in the end zone to celebrate the points we score—Football was really about relationships. And so is love.


我认为一个屋子里最厉害的家伙不是那个打球的家伙,而是那个有爱心的人。爱是我们能做到的最具男子气概的事。它没有那么难,但它需要很多思考和勇气。我喜欢橄榄球是因为我觉得它是最好的团队运动之一。当我们在球场上一起比赛,作为彼此的队友,互相防卫,互相保护,在球门区跳舞庆祝得分时,橄榄球真的是相互联系的运动。而爱也是如此。


Love is a team sport. A team that we are all a part of. And on this team, Daniel is an all-star. But Daniel never had the glory of an end zone dance, or even a dance at his junior prom. And that's because his life extinguished way too early.


爱是一项团队运动。我们都是这个团队的一部分。在这支队伍里,Daniel是全明星。但是Daniel没有和我们一起经历在球门区跳舞的光辉时刻,甚至没有参加他的毕业舞会。因为他的生命太早就逝去了。


One night, during Daniel's junior year, in February, he was rolling up the mats with his wrestling buddies, and he collapsed in pain. Daniel suffered an aortic aneurysm, and he died early the next morning in hospital. It was tragic. The date was February 7, 2002. Exactly 12 years ago today. I don't think it's any coincidence that I'm here today with the opportunity to share Daniel's story with you.


二月,Daniel大三的一个晚上,他正在和他的摔跤队友们一起把垫子卷起来,然后他突然疼得摔倒在地上。Daniel得了主动脉瘤,第二天清晨他在医院里去世了。那是一场悲剧。那一天是2002年2月7日,正是12年前的今天。我认为,今天能有幸站在这里和大家分享Daniel的故事不是巧合。


Daniel is my lighthouse. When the water is dark and dangerous, the lighthouse can provide a warm and inviting light, almost as if to say, this way home. Daniel brought me home literally by bringing me to his home. The night after he died, I visited his family, along with the number of other teachers from our school. We were all greeted by Daniel's cousin Lia, who thanked us for being there during such a devastating time.


Daniel是我的灯塔。当海水黑暗而危险时,灯塔会发出温暖、诱人的光芒,仿佛在说:“这是回家的路。”Daniel真的把我带回家了。他去世后的那个晚上,我和学校的其他老师一起去看望了他的家人。我们都受到了Daniel的表姐Lia的接待,她感谢我们在这样一个灾难的时刻陪伴他们。


I introduced myself as Daniel's theology teacher, and she replied, "Oh, you're the one that Daniel wanted me to marry!"


我介绍自己是Daniel的神学老师,然后她回答说:“哦,你就是Daniel想让我嫁的那个人!”


It was kind of like a light went on. I ended up sitting with Lia and her mom, sharing stories of Daniel and looking at pictures. It was a really difficult time for us both, but it was hard for me not to notice that Lia had the same passion and energy for life that I saw on Daniel. I wish he could have seen us meet.


就好像有一盏灯亮了。最后我和Lia还有她的妈妈坐在一起,看着照片,分享Daniel的故事。那段时间对我们来说都很艰难,但我很难不注意到,Lia对生活有着我在Daniel身上看到过的同样的热情和能量。我真希望他能看到我们见面。


Riding home that night, I quietly recalled my last moment with Daniel. He was visiting my class. And like many times before, Daniel would just stroll right in. And because I was sitting behind the desk, he came over to me, and we're about the same height, and our shoulders bumped into each other as we talked.


那天晚上回家的路上,我静静地回忆起和Daniel在一起的最后的时刻。他来到我的班里。像之前的很多次一样,Daniel会闲逛着走进来。因为我正坐在桌子后面,他向我走过来,我们差不多一样高,我们说话的时候肩膀撞在一起。


I introduced him to the class as the 103-pound wrestler who was having a great season, and the younger guys just looked at him in awe. I mean here was this guy, smaller than most of them, but he carried so much weight and loving energy. And on his way out of the classroom that morning, Daniel turned over his shoulder in his cool little way and said, "See you around, Mr. Ward."


我把他介绍给班里的同学,说他是一个103磅的摔跤手,那个赛季他表现得很好,那些年轻的学生就那样敬畏地看着他。我想说,这样一个家伙,比他们中大多数人的个头都要小,但他却有着这样的重量和如此多爱的能量。那天早上在他走出教室的路上,Daniel转过身来,用他那酷酷的方式说:“回见,Ward先生。”


Daniel died early the next morning. Couple of weeks later, I thought I saw Daniel at school. The student was sitting with their back to me, and it looked like Daniel. And for a moment I believed that it was him. But soon the student stood, and it obviously wasn't Daniel. But to me the message was clear. The same love and light that I witnessed and experienced in Daniel, could be found in everyone and everything.


Daniel在第二天一早离世。几周后,我以为我在学校看到了Daniel。那个学生背对着我坐着,看起来很像Daniel。一瞬间我还以为真的是他。但很快那个学生站了起来,显然他不是Daniel。但我已经知道,我曾在Daniel身上见证和经历过的同样的爱和光芒,可以在每个人、每件事中找到。


So I began to look for Daniel, to look for love in everyone and everything, and at the crucial point in my life, even in myself. Daniel was right when he said, "See you around." Because the same love in him is within us all. Just as I tell my students back at school, there is so much goodness in you, and you are all, each and everyone of you, worthy of love and belonging, just as you are, imperfectly perfect. And once you begin open yourself to love, you will learn to see it everywhere, creating a peace, a freedom and a truth that will shift your overall, entire experience.


于是我开始寻找Daniel,在每个人、每件事、在我生命的关键时刻,甚至在我自己身上寻找爱。Daniel说的“回见”是对的。因为他那样的爱存在于我们每个人身上。就像我回到学校告诉我的学生的那样,你们是如此善良,你们所有人,每一个人,都值得被爱和归属,正如你们都是不完美的完美。一旦你开始敞开心扉去爱,你会发现爱无处不在,创造着能彻底改变你和你全部体验的和平、自由和真理。


Think about it. If I stand right here and I shift just a little bit, my view changes entirely. The same is true for love. If we can begin to make an effort to love and to be loved without any conditions, we will bring a whole new level of meaning to our relationships and to our experience.


想一想,如果我站在这里,稍微移动一下,我的视野就会完全改变。爱也同样如此。如果我们可以开始努力,不加任何条件地去爱和被爱,我们将为我们的关系和经历带来全新的意义。


I'm going to ask you to close your eyes one more time. Picture the sun. Author Anthony de Mello writes: "Has the Sun ever said to the Earth: you owe me. Look what happens to a love like that. It lights up the whole sky." Is there somebody in your life that can use a little unconditional love? Picture that person now.


我要请你们再一次闭上眼睛。想象太阳。作家安东尼·德·梅洛写道:“太阳是否曾对地球说过‘你亏欠我’?看看这样的爱带来了什么。他照亮了整个天空。”你的生命中有没有人可以用到一点无条件的爱。现在想象那个人。


Remember the lighthouse. Remember its primary purpose: To help guide sailors and boaters home. Is there somebody in your life that can use a little guidance, a little direction? Picture that person now.


想一想灯塔,记得它最主要的目的:帮助引导水手和船夫回家。在你的生命中有没有人能用到一点指引,需要一点方向?现在想象那个人。


And, lastly, picture the disco ball. Daniel was free to be himself because he loved himself unconditionally. We could all reflect a little bit of love back home, so that we can dance like nobody is watching. Is there something in your life that you've been waiting to do?


最后,想象那颗迪斯科灯球。Daniel自由地做自己是因为他无条件地爱自己。我们都可以回想起一点爱,这样我们也可以旁若无人地舞蹈。在你的生命中有没有你一直在等待去做的事?


Gently float open your eyes and smile.


轻轻睁开你的眼睛,微笑吧。


Twelve years ago, after Daniel died, I decided to ask his cousin Lia out for dinner in his honor. We had so much to talk about, and I'm happy to tell you that, four years after that, I asked Lia to marry me. She continues to light up my life every day, Lia is my sunshine, and now we have two sons. Our oldest is almost three, and his name is John Daniel, whom we affectionately call J.D., and he's our little disco ball. We also have another son, who is just 12 weeks old now. His name is Casey Christian, and he's our little lighthouse. When people ask Lia if the boys will play football in the NFL someday like their daddy did, she says, "Maybe." But our only wish for them is to truly live a life where they can love and be loved. Thank you very much.


十二年前,在Daniel离世后,出于怀念他,我决定邀请他的表姐Lia出去吃饭。我们聊了非常多,我很开心地告诉大家,四年之后,我向Lia求婚了。她继续照亮着我每一天的生活。Lia就是我的阳光。现在我们有两个儿子。大儿子快三岁了,他叫John Daniel,我们亲昵地叫他J.D.,他就是我们的小迪斯科灯球。我们的另一个儿子现在刚12周大。他叫Casey Christian,他就是我们的小灯塔。当人们问Lia孩子们以后有一天会像他们的爸爸那样在NFL打球吗?她说:“也许吧。”但我们对他们唯一的希望就是去真实地生活,可以去爱和被爱。非常感谢大家。


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